My Obgyn.. The Big Bully

This may not be a happy story. But still, it is part of my journey of becoming mother to two sons..and my journey towards having a happy and empowering birth in the future; be it vaginal delivery or c-section.

I simply hate the fact that my doctor BULLIED me into TWO c-sections! Hate it soo much that I could not sleep well sometimes.

Maybe my pelvis is really small (not so relevent because baby’s head can mould to fit through) or really disfigured (well, i did have a good fall on my butt when i was 7 years old..but i don’t think my pelvic was disfigured), or maybe i do really need a c-section for other reasons, but there is a HUGE difference in having a caring doctor and a very insensitive one.

And my doctor belongs to the second category.

My first son was delivered via c-section even before i start feeling labour pain. One Monday morning of my 39th week, I had a bloody show. Since I was due for a CTG that morning, we straightaway went to the hospital. Doctor came for vaginal examination (VE), 3cm. “Your baby is in OP. Im afraid if we waited too long, the baby might be distressed.”, she said. “OK we wait for another hour, if there’s no progress, we proceed with c-section. “, she said. 45 minutes later, she came in to check again, no progress. “OK, csar!”, she said. It was not even a full hour, and I was fine, and my baby was fine. Maternal instincts is even more powerful than the not-so-accurate-most-of-the-time CTG machine, you know. I knew in my heart that i did not need the surgery, but i could not say that to my doctor because, well, shouldn’t doctors know better? The thing is, I don’t understand a single word what the doctor is saying!

Two and a half years later, my second baby was born, also via c-section. I actually had a bloody show and leaking amniotic fluid for over a week, and been in labour for a good three days and nights. On the third night, the contractions were so terribly painful that i could not sleep at all. I purposely laboured at home, because I know my doctor has marked me for another surgery. The midwife on duty connected the electronic fetal monitoring (EFM) machine to me and did VE and found that I was already 8cm dilated. She went to inform my doctor. So my doctor came, did VE and told me that my baby was in OP, and that i had CPD, just like my previous birth. My doctor explained roughly that OP is caused by cephalopelvic disorder (CPD), so my baby may not be able to turn and descend further, so i need a c-section. I still have no idea what the doctor is talking about, and how did it relate to my previous pregnancy. I only knew in my heart again that this doctor is purposely trying to get me through another emergency c-section again. So, when the stupid EFM machine sabotaged me by beeping loudly when my baby was actually fine, I knew that there is no way to avoid the surgery. My doctor even had the nerve to threaten me . She said, “Im afraid it would be dangerous, the shoulders might get stuck.” At that point, I knew that the doctor didnt care about me AT ALL!. She only want to be done with this case (like every other cases..well, i’m just another case to her) and get on to attending her many patients waiting at her door. I knew in my heart that she was bluffing me, but i couldn’t fight for my own rights, simply because ‘THE SHOULDERS MIGHT GET STUCK”! Who on earth wouldnt be scared of that?!

After my post partum period, i did a real research on my problems. I researched on OP, CPD, natural birth, hypnobirth and everything related. I am serious in making my dream come true for my coming deliveries. I want to birth as naturally as I can and feel the empowerment and triumph of having birthed the way I should, and I want to have many kids!

I swear I will not go back to that incompassionate robot doctor, nor to the hospital who had given me a very bad service. Yeah, the same hospital where my son was admitted and sent to OT simply for swallowing a tiny weeny fish bone.

Simply ask yourself this; do you really feel happy with your doctor? Does he/she really listen to your concerns and problems? Is she empathic, compassionate about her patients? Patients are real people, you know. Not just a doll, not just another task. Moreover, ask around. If  her c-section rate is high, then there’s a chance that she is just like my doctor.

If you are unhappy with your doctor (caregiver), please find another one. It’s your right.

 

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CPD, OP dan Kelahiran Cesarean.. Perlukah?

Here comes my story, pengalaman bersalin cesarean (again! huh!). Bukanlah suatu pengalaman yang manis. Posting ni bukanlah bertujuan untuk menakut-nakutkan mana-mana bakal ibu yang membaca posting ini, tapi lebih kepada mengajak kita untuk sama-sama berfikir; adakah kita benar-benar memerlukan pembedahan itu?

Proses kelahiran diciptakan Allah cukup sempurna. Benih bapa bercantum dengan benih ibu di dalam rahim ibu, kemudian janin yang terbentuk menempel ke dinding rahim, hidup dengan apa saja zat yang ibunya boleh bekalkan dan membesar di situ sehinggalah cukup tempoh 9 bulan 10 hari. Sebesar mana pun bayi itu membesar, kita tak pernah pulak dengar ibu yang perutnya meletup sebab bayi besar sangat, kerana kulit perut ibu itu sudah dicipta fleksibel dan mampu menampung sebesar dan seramai mana bayi dalam kandungannya. Begitulah jua proses kelahiran. Siti Maryam alaihassalam mampu melahirkan anaknya seorang diri tanpa dibantu sesiapa, semata-mata bergantung harap kepada Allah.

Percaya tak, andainya kita (ibu-ibu yang pernah csar) ditinggalkan seorang diri di dalam hutan, kita sebenarnya mampu melahirkan anak itu secara normal?

Pernah tak fikir, kalau lah csar tu mudah dan tak menyakitkan, kenapa perasaan selepas pembedahan itu adalah sangat traumatik?

Saya tak tahu apa yang ibu-ibu lain fikirkan, tapi yang saya tahu, saya tak pernah berasa tenteram selepas melaluinya sewaktu melahirkan Aiman. Perasaan itu masih kekal dalam diri saya selepas kelahiran Irfan. Trauma, sedih, risau, semuanya ada. Trauma kerana walaupun pembedahan itu tidak menyakitkan (kesan bius), proses pemulihan selepas pembedahan adalah sangat panjang dan menyakitkan. Sedih kerana setiap kali saya beritahu orang yang menziarah bahawa anak saya lahir secara pembedahan, mereka akan menunjukkan wajah terkejut, atau wajah simpati pada saya. Seolah mengatakan ‘kasihannya awak kerana tak dapat bersalin normal macam kami’. Sedih juga kerana ada juga orang yang sampai hati menyebut bahawa saya tidak pernah merasai kesakitan sebenar bersalin. Ya, memang saya tidak pernah merasai kesakitan sebenar proses bersalin kerana doktor saya yang kelihatan bijak tetapi sebenarnya seorang robot itu telah membedah saya sebelum saya sempat merasai sebarang kontraksi pun. Tetapi orang itu juga tidak pernah merasai sakitnya melalui suatu pembedahan besar! Saya juga sering risau, kerana cakap-cakap orang yang mengatakan orang yang dah dua kali csar akan dihadkan untuk mempunyai 4 atau 5 anak sahaja untuk mengelakkan komplikasi rahim terkoyak (uterine rupture), dan orang yang dah 2 kali csar juga tidak dibenarkan bersalin normal untuk mengelakkan komplikasi yang sama. Saya juga selalu berasa seolah-olah hilang keyakinan, seolah-olah saya cacat, sebab tak mampu melahirkan anak secara normal. Sejujurnya, saya tertekan.

Kemudian pada suatu hari, saya terjumpa satu group dalam Facebook yang bernama ICAN Malaysia/VBAC Support yang support and promote natural birth. Barulah saya tahu, situasi yang saya hadapi adalah sebenarnya suatu mitos ciptaan dunia perubatan. Dunia perubatan ini dipenuhi oleh manusia-manusia yang kelihatan bijak, tapi tamak untuk meraih keuntungan. Kalau tidak, takkan la Aiman tercekik tulang ikan kembung (je pun!) kena masuk operation theatre. Lepas keluar OT, doktor kata tak jumpa. Bodoh! Memang la tak jumpa sebab tulang ikan boleh masuk sendiri dalam perut. Kalau tulang ikan terubuk tu logik la jugak. Masa discaj, bil hospital RM5k. Nasib baik insurans nak cover. Huh! Aiman la ni, nangis-nangis sampai Papa Mama gelabah!

Kesian Aiman tak pasal-pasal masuk wad..sikit punya miserable~ 😦

So dalam kes saya ni, meh saya ceritakan apa yang menyebabkan saya kena csar. Doktor kata bayi saya besar. Masa scan dekat-dekat nak bersalin tu, mesin scan tu cakap bayi saya 3.5kg. Besar ke tu? Tengok la family besar mana. Papanya, atuknya pun tinggi dan tegap. Saya sendiri pun lahir 3.4kg. Pastu masa dah masuk labor room, doktor buat vaginal examination (VE), ala yang seluk dalam kain tu la. Doktor cakap anak saya ni OP. Dalam labor room, tengah nervous, ada masa ke nak google OP tu apa? Pastu doktor cakap awak ni CPD, baby besar sangat, pelvis awak kecil, sebab tu tak boleh normal, kena csar ni. Saya tanya kalau normal macam mana? Doktor kata nanti sangkut bahu lagi susah. Wahahaha bila diingat balik saya geram rasa nak penyek-penyek doktor tu. Bulat-bulat dia kelentong saya macam saya ni orang kampung tak sekolah. Mentang-mentang la saya tak belajar medic!

Dua bulan selepas saya bersalin, ada seorang ahli dalam group yang saya join tu berjaya bersalin secara normal walaupun dia menghadapi masalah yang serupa dengan saya. She was in labor for 5 days! Saya cuma sempat 3 hari je sakit nak bersalin. Dia sakit 5 hari. Beza antara kami adalah doktor beliau sangat supportive dan sanggup menunggu proses kelahiran itu berlaku secara semulajadi. She was very happy! Setelah membaca ceritanya, saya bertambah pasti yang saya juga sebenarnya mampu bersalin secara normal. Saya cuma perlukan doktor/bidan/doula* lain yang lebih supportive.

Kerana kekecewaan itu, saya mula lebih rajin melayari internet dan mencari maklumat tentang masalah yang saya hadapi. Website ni menerangkan dengan panjang lebar segalanya yang saya nak tahu.

Sekarang, saya sedang mencari lebih pengetahuan tentang masalah saya ni. Lepas ni kalau memang kena csar lagi pun, sekurang-kurangnya I am better informed. Saya juga sedang merancang untuk menghadiri kursus hypnobirthing dengan harapan agar saya mampu bersalin normal selepas ini. Doakan saya~

Pautan lain:

Pelvises I Have Known and Loved by Gloria Lemay

*A doula (pronounced “doó la”, also known as a labour coach …) is a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during, or after childbirth, as well as her partner and/or family by providing information, physical assistance, and emotional support. The provision of continuous support during labour by doulas (as well as nurses, family, or friends) is associated with improved maternal and fetal health and a variety of other benefits. (wikipedia)