Do I have to succumb to a c-section, again?

Just came back from my weekly visit to the obgyn. Baby’s heart beat is fine, he is active and has already dropped but still a bit far from the cervix opening. I had a few bloody shows since 2 days ago but the contractions are still far apart and irregular.

The visit does not make me happy at all! The doctor keep fussing about my now 3.5kg baby being ‘huge’! I honestly feel that’s ridiculous! My mother was able to birth all her six children naturally and all but one of her children were 3.3kg- 3.5kg. The one exception was only 2.5kgs at birth. And i am just about her size when she was my age. So if she can deliver normally, why can’t I? My obgyn said that she is worried that if the baby don’t come out sooner, i would have to have a c-section because the baby will become too big to pass through my pelvic.

My first delivery had been a c-section. I was told that my contraction was very strong and close but the dilation did not progress any further. I was only 3cm dilated. After nearly an hour of waiting, there were no progress. So the doctor suggested c-section for she was worried that my baby was distressed. Naturally, the innocent me would agree. Anyhing to save my baby. The recovery process was very very long. Took me more than a year to get back my pre-pregnancy stamina and health. During the post-partum period, i had emotional breakdowns and was very stressed to a point of wanting to put up a “BABY FOR SALE” signboard in front of the house. All dreams of having a natural birth, lost. I feel like a disabled, not being able to birth naturally when my own mother, and her mother, and her grandmother, all of them, were able to do it.

Having experienced all that, i wouldn’t want to have another c-section. I researched and only recently found about how c-section could have been avoided in my first delivery. I also understand better about birthing and my pregnant body. I’m determined to have VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) but i don’t know how to say it to the doctor. I’m not so good at expressing my wants. This Tuesday, I’m due for another check up. I’m pretty sure that the doctor will raise the c-section issue again due to baby size and the slow descent to the cervix. Deep inside me, I know that the time has not come yet, and i am not so worried about coming near to my due date on the 16th because my baby is still active and healthy. I hope I have the strength to hold firm to my decision to wait. I hope I can say NO to the doctor when she recommends c-section.

I really really need support~~

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